


Breaking Down

by Kiishere, SetTheStarsXnFire



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Funeral, Heavy Angst, M/M, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Unrequited Love, im sorry, pure angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-18
Updated: 2017-08-18
Packaged: 2018-12-16 18:06:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11834163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kiishere/pseuds/Kiishere, https://archiveofourown.org/users/SetTheStarsXnFire/pseuds/SetTheStarsXnFire
Summary: 'The threads were pulling on tighter on him now, he felt like he was about to drown, all the air getting taken away from him. Pathetic."A HUGE THANKS TO MY FRIEND MARIA(SetTheStarsXnFire) WHO WROTE THIS WITH ME. SHE WILL BE POSTING IT ON HER TUMBLR{I will link it is posted}





	Breaking Down

**Author's Note:**

> I really love JuminV and I never really got around to writing it. So when I heard Maria talking about the ship, I couldn't resist asking her to collab. We both worked super hard on this so please enjoy!

 

 

He had looked at himself in the mirror twice, maybe thrice, before leaving his penthouse to the event he was now supposed to attend. The man didn’t usually look at himself in mirrors, but his appearance had to be perfect, just for the moment, then he could go back to looking like he hadn’t slept in days. 

 

Because that was actually the truth, Jumin Han hadn’t gotten any good rest since the day MC and...  _ Saeyoung  _ had been captured by Mint Eye, dragged there by his best friend, whom Jumin had never seen again, the last image he had of V was one covered in blood. 

 

And now, he was supposed to go to Jihyun Kim’s funeral, and see his corpse. Same corpse he had told onto silently as his bodyguards took of Rika and her minions, he remembered that moment clearly, the shock and not being there in time to save anyone… to save  _ him _ . The threads flowing around him were choking him already, and he was merely on his way to the graveyard. 

 

Driver Kim and Assistant Kang, who chose to go with him, kept him company, may have noticed his upset expression, but they didn’t make a comment about it, and that was  _ good _ . Jumin just didn’t feel like talking. 

 

Though the ride was short it felt like ages, Jumin just wanted it to be over. Nobody wanted to go and see their dead best friend, but, could Jumin even consider V as a friend after everything that happened? All the lies that V had told, and all the things that the photographer kept to himself. Jumin’s mind was spiraling as all these thoughts clogged his head. He had to constantly remind himself that V did this to protect him, to protect all of them. Jihyun didn't mean for this to happen. 

 

The only thing keeping Jumin from breaking down at this point was the line that he kept repeating to himself, “Jihyun wouldn't want you to be sad… he did what he had to so you didn't have to know or be involved in any of this mess.” He lost track of how many times he had said to himself it in that car ride, how many strange looks he got from Jaehee, or how Driver Kim turned up the radio a bit so he could concentrate and not have to listen to Jumin’s constant whispers.

 

The car gradually stopping was what got the entrepreneur out of his daze, what brought him back to earth after a not-so-nice trip to Imagination Land. Driver Kim got off from his seat, and when he turned to the door the man was supposed to open, his assistant was already close to it, watching him. 

 

“Mr. Han… Jumin, it’s time.” She whispered as if he needed to be told more than once, and for god’s sake, her tone made him feel like he was a baby in need for some good care and cuddles. But he wasn’t. 

 

He might feel like dying, but that didn’t mean he was a baby. 

 

His driver opened the door of the van for him, and Jaehee got off first, then Jumin did. Upon observing the graveyard, he could distinguish where the funeral was taking place, due to the vast amount of people dressed in black, and he wasn’t a fool to think that there was more than one person who looked exactly like Zen, nor the blonde boy still in college who was next to the actor. 

 

What Jaehee saw was not really Jumin Han, what she saw was a man who looked like her boss but on the inside was just a broken and hollow shell. To say the least, it hurt. “Mr. Han…” she finally spoke after watching him stare at the other members for a little longer. “You have your speech prepared, right?” She asked, knowing that if anyone had to speak V would have wanted it to be Jumin.

 

He was snapped out of his daze by sudden panic at his assistant’s words, quickly taking a small piece of paper out of his pocket. He usually wouldn't worry about forgetting small things like this, he usually would've been one hundred percent sure that he had it without even checking. But nothing had been the usual lately, not since V died.

 

The taller man would have wrote pages and pages about his friend, could have rambled for hours about how much he admired V, but the day he was preparing his speech, nothing more than sad words could escape his mind, and he quieted them down with the previously delicious, now bitter, flavor of the wine. 

 

“Yes, Assistant Kang, I have everything I need ready. Follow me.” He muttered under his breath, barely making his words audible as he started to walk towards the place of the burial, taking long steps on the way. He could hear his assistant’s heels brushing against the grass as she walked behind him. 

 

People turned to look at him once, more than one woman started to approach him until someone pulled them back, or in their own, those people decided that it wasn’t convenient to strike a talk with him in the moment. 

 

Although, even if they didn’t approach him, he could still hear them whispering, mumbling, talking about him behind his back. 

 

“Did you hear? The man over there, Jumin, used to be really close to the one who died.”

 

“Oh really? Just how close?”

 

“People say that when they were kids, they wouldn’t see one without the other.”

 

“Is that why the man looks so desperate and lonely? Did he have a special connection to V?”

 

“Wouldn’t know.”

 

They didn’t know anything, nobody did. 

Then again, how could anybody know when the man never expressed his feelings very well, or ever at that. He wasn't good at it before nor was he good in these days, and now the only other real person he could try to express himself without a care was dead. 

 

Everyone might as well consider any chance of seeing Jumin’s smile gone, out of the question.

 

Jumin thought about the conversation he had overheard, did he really look desperate and lonely? This was the same look he had on since he heard the news, or more like saw it with his own eyes. The warmth quickly leaving Jihyun’s body as Jumin held him still haunted his dreams. “Just keep a straight face and no one will know how you feel” someone once had told him, and he had been doing that ever since he left Mint Eye. 

 

Lies. What a lie.

 

The truth was that he  _ had _ felt desperate and lonely. Lonely, because he wanted and desired the only person who could understand his complex emotions...but he would never see that person again. And desperate, desperate for someone to look him straight in the eye and ask if he was okay, so that he could answer that he wasn’t, and maybe, just maybe, someone would tell him that he would be okay.

 

But no one would, no one dared to go near him. 

 

No one cared. 

 

Jumin reached the wooden podium next to the deceased’s coffin, and he simply delivered a side glance to his friend before clearing his throat, making everyone turn to look at him. 

 

“Good afternoon, gentlemen, ladies.” The businessman said, his eyes trailing to look at the people who were looking back as he unfolded the paper with his speech and placed it over the podium. “I am quite please that the majority of you, if not everyone of Jihyun’s precious friends are here to… say goodbye.”

 

He shook his head, biting his lips for a second to prevent him from shedding a tear. Jumin Han couldn’t break down crying in front of this amount people, especially not in front of the RFA, who Jumin discovered were all staring at him in concern, even Zen and Saeyoung. 

 

After he took a deep breath to take the reign of himself and his emotions again, he went back to talking, “I know that each and everyone of you had their opinions about V, and now, I just want to share a few things I think you all should know about him.” 

 

Jumin should have know that this was his last chance to back out before something happened, but he didn’t. 

 

“Jihyun Kim was a man ready to sacrifice himself if it meant that it would make people happy, if it would fix their problems. If you had him as a friend, you know that he would have done anything in his power to make sure that you would always have a smile in your face. If you called him at three in the morning, wanting some help, some advice, he would go to you, and he wouldn’t leave until you were alright.” 

 

Jumin’s shoulders were trembling now, his head being filled with memories about V and how the two of them would spend their days. From kindergarten to college, and even then, they continued to hang out, at least until now. Now he would never see the photographer again, would never smile and laugh as Jihyun teached him how to properly hold a phone to take a photo that wasn’t blurry, Jumin would never get to see Jihyun laughing again, his bright smile making everyone feel happy and warm. 

 

Or at least, that’s what Jihyun’s smile did to him. 

 

The threads were pulling on tighter on him now, he felt like he was about to drown, all the air getting taken away from him. Pathetic. 

 

He kept talking even as his shoulders started to shake more wildly, and he fidgeted with the cuffs of his shirt. “On a bit more of a personal experience, Jihyun would always be there for me when I got too stressed with work, or other… personal issues.” He spared a glance at his father who had showed up at the familiar as some form of “support”, and for a second, Jumin could have sworn he saw the man flinch. “When we were younger, he and I used to spend a lot of time reading, and Jihyun was always dragging me out to the garden, taking pictures with his father’s camera.We had a lot of fun. Once we got older, that didn’t change… not until we went to college, that’s when we stopped talking everyday, at all times, to talking to each other one day at small times, and not doing it the next day.”

 

He wanted to say how much he appreciated those small moments when he would get to run his fingers through Jihyun’s fluffy hair, how he was always surprised by the way his friend always looked spectacular to him, even when the man was sleeping in his couch after a long flight back home from a photoshoot. Jumin wanted to express how much he missed the days where they would freely hug each other and tell each other nonsense, days that disappeared when their families applied more pressure into each of them, when they realized that they were expected to be great members of their community. He wanted to scream about how much he missed Jihyun’s arms wrapped around his back while Jumin complained because of his stress piling up too much, he missed the photographer’s whispers of comforting words in his ear as the businessman talked about his father. He missed it all. He missed Jihyun Kim more than everything. 

 

And it was at that moment he broke down. When all the thoughts about his best friend, the man he cared so much for being gone spread like a wild forest fire, he snapped. His shoulders shook more than ever and his eyes were closed tight as tears ran down his cheeks, splashing on the wooden podium and traveling all the way down his shirt. He looked down at the ground, unable to hid his sobs and tears from everybody else, but if he didn’t look at them, if he didn’t turn a little to see the coffin laying there, he would be fine. Eventually.

 

“Jihyun Kim was the love of my life.” He mumbled, a broken sob making his way out of him afterwards. 

 

Some people were shocked, judging by the gasps and sharp intakes of breath he heard, others just sat there. No one moved a muscle as the usually stoic man let out all of his despair in front of them all. And even though Jumin knew he needed to get out of there, he couldn't bring his body to move. 

 

Everything in his body hurt, physically and mentally. And he hated it. He hated being so weak.

 

Finally, after what seemed like hours and hours of crying, although it could have been just ten minutes, someone carefully guided him from the podium. He looked up from the ground, just to look around the place. People were staring, whispering to one and another about him, and for some reason it bothered Jumin. 

 

Why were people judging him for crying over his best friend? The man he had loved ever since middle school. People would never understand their bond, no one could know how much V had meant to him.

 

His friends, the RFA members who were sitting in the front, just stared as well. They weren't used to Jumin even expressing the slightest bit of emotions. And now he was sobbing his eyes out in front of everyone. It was kind of… unnerving. Zen’s eyes were wide, and if he opened his mouth further it would have fell to the grass. Saeyoung was quiet, while MC and Yoosung where crying. 

 

And then he looked behind him, he wanted to know who the person was, the one who was guiding him towards the car, deciding for him that it was time to go home, to rest. It was Jaehee who was holding his arm tightly, a worried expression on her face. 

 

He felt pathetic because he had to be walked off the podium, out of the graveyard, and into the car. Other than the swarming mess that were his thoughts of self pity, guilt and misery, all he could hear was the soft sound of the car engine starting. And the low mumble of it driving off. 

 

_ “V would've wanted you to stay..”  _ a voice in his mind said, it was his sense of guilt, the guilt for having to leave.  _ “Can you even call yourself his best friend? You can't even stay at his funeral.”  _

 

Jumin’s face twisted to a look of discomfort, as he desperately tried to get the thought out of his head. He eventually ended up looking out the window, anything was better than having to listen to his thoughts at that moment.  **Anything** .

 

And as the car drove off, the funeral and the graveyard were soon out of eyesight. Jumin sighed, a new batch of tears running down his cheeks, “I'm sorry Jihyun...I'm sorry it turned out like this.” 

 

_ I’m sorry I was so weak.  _

 

_ I’m so sorry I couldn’t even tell you how I felt.  _

 

_ I’m sorry I couldn’t be there to save you. _

  
_ I’m sorry for everything. _

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, leaving Kudos and a comment is always appreciated. :)


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